epilogue

[NOTE: my blog has still "officially" been moved to posterous. this is just the epilogue to these posts.]

just re-read some of my old posts - its always interesting to read what i've written in the past. i feel it appropriate to write a final chapter to the story of my posts here on blogger.

it's amazing what can happen in the space of one year, and darn near staggering when you step back and look at 5- or 10-year increments. ten years ago i was a sophomore in college, working at a roofing company, and had just decided to major in psychology. five years ago i was about to graduate with my master's degree but was unemployed. one year ago i was trying to gain my footing in a new job and had just signed a contract to build a house. two years ago the US was fluttering with excitement as barack obama was elected president; tomorrow is the midterm elections, and the US is a mix of apathy, despondence, and fury at the current state of affairs.

in all cases, be they public or private, we are quick to judge the outcome by our present status. i have previously posted on my tendency (like many others) to seek refuge in religion during difficult times. and in doing so, i illustrate the lack of foresight and [often irrational] anxiety that is innate in my humanness.

a lot of my blog posts have been about the journey of figuring out "who" i am (i guess that was how blogs got started in the first place, right?). i haven't figured it out yet, of course, and i don't think i ever will...or that anyone really ever can figure it out, as we are always growing and changing and evolving. (props to heraclitus for figuring that out some 2500 years ago.)

even if i may not be able to exactly articulate 'who' i am, i do know that i am increasingly disinclined to describe or label myself as anything which i do not entirely embrace. two particularly poignant examples in the present sociocultural climate would be political and religious affiliation. groups in these particular realms expect their members to agree with and embrace certain tenets, or descriptors, that the group leadership has identified as being "this is who we are and what we believe." (see: Oklahoma Republican Party's Platform. for the record, religions as a whole aren't quite as bent on forming in-groups/out-groups , hence their many denominations.)

in my youth i was comfortable finding groups that were "close" or a "near fit" to how i saw the world and declaring my membership with them. labels color the world in black and white binary and allow us to simplify everything so that we don't have to spend time or brain power wrestling with the gray areas of life. us vs. them, right vs wrong, good vs evil, it's all very efficient.

i'm guilty of using labels to describe myself and others, and i'm trying to stop. i'm also trying to be accepting of people who are comfortable identifying with groups that are "near fits" for them. i really enjoy intellectual dialogue (and, when blogging, monologue), and i hope we can agree to disagree about something - it'd be kind of a shame if we felt the same about everything.

okay, i think i'm officially out of thoughts for this blog. thanks google, it's been a blast. (p.s. - i love gmail & google docs!) now, on to posterous!

book club - week 1

for several weeks/months gabriele and i have both noticed that we've been having the same conversation with several of our friends, colleagues, and clients regarding the face of the Church in our world. we're almost never the ones that have brought up the topic, and sometimes we haven't even really said anything at all before the conversation turns towards it, but it is increasingly apparent that we're not the only ones dwelling on the issue.

we thought it might be cool if everyone got together and had the conversation together, in the same place, at the same time. and so, last week we started meeting with some friends to continue the discussion. since we had recently read rob bell's book velvet elvis: repainting the christian faith and felt like it was also saying the same sort of thing, we figured a good way to start would be to have a little book club.

our first time together was simply four of us eating chips and guacamole and queso, telling stories about college pranks and laughing and complaining and struggling and sharing our experiences in the church. after about three hours we actually started discussing the book itself. it was a wonderful time.

the essence of the conversation the first night was largely about how the Church has really messed things up for jesus. he came preaching a gospel of love and it's been turned into a gospel of rules; selflessness and humility into selfishness and piety. and to make matters worse, it seems the church knows they've done it. they (we?) have knowingly drawn divisive lines in the sand and said "we're over here and they are over there."

and so, whoever may be reading this, please see the hurt in the world - the poor, the rich, the hungry, the glutton, the innocent, the guilty... and see that things need to change. be thankful that love is more healing than ignorance is hurtful. be inspired by grace and love, and believe that things can return to being collaborative and unified. i know that things can be better again.

lottery jesus

my morning commute takes me past a billboard that displays the estimated powerball jackpot for the upcoming drawing. the sign is in a prime viewing location; it sits on top of a slight topographical rise just off the highway, and there aren’t any buildings around the billboard to distract from the view. i’ve often wondered how much the oklahoma lottery commission has to pay for such a premium advertising spot. it’s probably worth it when compared to the amount of revenue generated by the billboard. it’s a very noticeable billboard.

most days i take note of the sign and the jackpot amount. today it was $57 million, which is $7 million more than wednesday, so it appears that no one won the jackpot this week. every time i see the billboard i start to daydream about what it would be like to win. not just what i would do with the money, but what it would actually feel like to win. i imagine a warm feeling would come over my body, my breathing quicken, my hand holding the ticket would start to quiver, my cheeks would begin to burn from holding up the enormous smile on my face. it would be a glorious moment of revelation as i embraced the freedom that i assume such money would permit.

it's interesting to observe those who play the lottery. for instance, my dad only buys a ticket if the jackpot gets really big, like $150 million, as if the prospect of winning that amount somehow justifies spending a dollar for a ticket, whereas playing to win only $50 million would be a waste of money. on the other end of the spectrum, i once knew a woman who would call in to the local convience store to order her weekly lottery purchase, typically totalling around $250. many more people opt for consistently playing one or two dollars each week, rationalizing that if they buy a ticket for each drawing, then sooner or later they're bound to win, right?

i think that many people view prayer like they're playing the lottery. some only pray for really big things or when they feel like they "really need it." others may pray everyday, perhaps even because they have become habitual about "praying without ceasing," but their motivation isn't because they truly believe that their prayers will be answered; they may just believe that if the pray enough, eventually one of those prayers will be heard and be answered.

despite my agnostic leanings, every now and then i whisper a few words up to God/gods/universe/Flying Spaghetti Monster/whatever. it usually feels like i'm just throwing a hail mary (pun intended) and hoping that it gets answered. sometimes i wonder what else i should do to boost my prayer to the top of god's list - as if i could do some kind of rain dance and make god hear me. i'm afraid of being one of those people who is completely convinced that god will hear their prayers and heal their sick child, only to have the child die. there are millions of devout and holy people out there who have prayed incessantly for years without receiving the answer they were looking for.

the problem is obvious, of course: we're all looking for a particular answer from god. we want to have god wrapped around our little finger, like we're alladin and he's our genie. we want to be able to pray a certain way and have god "give in" to our big puppy dog eyes and pouty lip and give us all the desires of our heart.

the end is here

if you haven't already heard about this story, here's the link.  

basically, the crowd awaiting the black friday sales outside a walmart store in new york let their greed and impatience get the best of them.  they busted in the front doors and rushed the store, trampling a 34 year-old seasonal employee to death.  then people were mad that the police asked them to leave the store.  

seriously, folks.  things have gotten out of hand.