love

i suppose this is somewhat related to my marital manifesto that i posted on my [former] myspace blog (and recently copied to this one), though i feel this is of infinitely greater importance, for it is this upon which a marriage should be based. also, i realize that my beliefs are likely in opposition to those by whom i am employed. i can't help but feel that they're missing something.

i was asked how this relates to marriage, to how i see god being invovled in marriage. to answer, my reply must begin with my conception of god.

i maintain a belief in some sort of higher being, though i readily admit that i relate to this greater reality in many different ways, because i feel that we cannot adequately describe whatever he/she/it is with even the most eloquent language. because i was raised in the southern united states, i have been taught to describe love in terms of the Christian God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, and so that is the default method of how i relate to this...presence, being, whatever. for me, god is love.

for me, the description of god and the description of love begin at the same place. i'm convinced that if all languages had a singular term for love (or equally different terms for different types of love), and that all the terms for love and for god or gods or supreme being or great spirit or enlightenment or allah or greatest whatever were replaced with this term that crosses all geographical, cultural, and religious barriers, that the world would look at their religion, at the key tenets of belief in humanity and everything else, in a considerably different light. it would cease to become my god vs. your god or my beliefs vs. your beliefs, and would shift to my love is your love is also how we all know and experience and share love.

as a child, my family would convey love by saying things like "i love you thirty bushels" or "i love you a million billion trillion bushels," with the intent to try and top the other person's concept and amount of love. similarly, i have a dear friend who speaks love with her child by comparing it to numerous things in nature, such as "more than all the grains of sand on the earth" or "more than all the stars in the heavens." the truth is, our attempts to try and imagine all the love in the world, to feel its height and width and depth and density, is an ultimately futile endeavor, because the love of god (that is, love itself) is far greater than our minds are capable of imagining. picture the largest thing you can imagine, and love is still greater than that. makes your brain hurt.

love is. it is the life-force that exists within every person, between every person, in the air and water and land around us. i suppose i crudely equate it with the idea of the Force on star wars, in that love is in an around everything, and that for some it is stronger than for for others. and we all experience love (and if you will, god) in different ways. i have a very difficult time imagining that god is limited to merely the ways christians experience god - i personally feel that i can equally experience god through a traditional christian worship service, buddhist meditation, laughing and playing with children, song and dance, helping the poor and needy, and reading the stories of humanity's past that have been enscribed as sacred texts for many different religions. who am i to limit the way god reveals himself to humanity? love crosses all borders.

can you imagine if everyone embraced love with the same fervor? if everyone embodied love to each person they interacted with each day - imagine what it would be like to feel safe when you were vulnerable, to be transparent with others and let the know the true you without fear of judgment or retribution or obliteration! imagine what it would be like if even every person took this approach with just one person in their life! what if everyone truly loved just one other person?

and so, i suppose this bring us to marriage. in my observation of humanity and interpersonal interactions, it is hard to not acknowledge how some people seem to just fit together better than others. (i have often debated the idea of the soulmate, and i am still undecided on the issue, but have new thoughts on it.) for me, marriage is a wonderful institution; it is a sacred union between two people who are best suited for helping one another experience love. it needs to be the combination of two whole persons, both of whom are filled to the brim with love, perhaps even overflowing with it, so much so that their union produces a third aspect of life, a whole 1+1=3 phenomenon, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. this is the true experience of love in a marriage! - where both people are so deeply committed to embodying love to humanity as a whole that their combination creates an outpouring of love to all they encounter, both individually and together. it's like little individual all-star teams, where both parties work so incredibly well together that they enhance each other's ability to perform. (this compounding effect of love is explained very well from a christian perspective by rob bell in his video flame. definitely worth a look. you can also look at his nooma website for additional videos; rhythm is incredibly appropo as well.)

for some (we often refer to them as saints in the catholic church), this union need not take place with another human, but with love (god) itself. and really, i'm increasingly convinced that it should be the realization that such a union would be acceptable and agreeable and beneficial that is the precursor to even considering marriage to another human. if we cannot be whole and filled with love on our own, how is it that we are able to give it to someone else? i feel far too many people enter marriage with the expecation that the other will complete them somehow, and this is unhealthy. we need not complete someone, they need to complete themselves, and then are capable of rolling alongside us.

for me, marriage is peace, not chaos. marriage looks like deep green grass blowing in the breeze; it is dark hardwood floors and neutal colored walls, lots of windows with sheer curtains, contemporary leather furniture, clean lines, soft linens. it has lots of mirrors for good self reflection, and it also has bright works of art on the walls that puncuate the peace by which they are surrounded. marriage is not a cluttered apartment with red walls that are splattered with orange and yellow paint; where tables and chairs must be cleaned off in an effort to create a momentary spot of peace in an otherwise chaotic space. marriage is refuge, marriage is rest, marriage is love.