more than a wall post

a friend of mine recently spoke to me about her hardship after being laid off from work. i wrote her a reply - absurdly lengthy, admittedly - and thought it worthy to post here as well:

thought i should write a bit more than what a simple wall post should contain, so you get a full message this time. :) i apologize for the length in advance. you've got free time, though, right?

job hunting sucks, no doubt about it. back in november, i was in the same spot - working two jobs, as a therapist at a low-income clinic and also as an adjunct prof at my alma mater. my two jobs, combined with gabriele working at two different clinics, was barely making ends meet. so, i started looking for a job, even one i didn't necessarily want. i figured, hey, i'm marketable, and something will pan out here pretty soon.

as christmas approached, several things happened: some clients resolved their problems, some stopped coming due to their own financial considerations, and both gabriele's car and my truck bit the dust in quick succession. she and i pray together every night, and it seemed like our prayers kept becoming "Dear God, please help us out. Send us some money, a job, or at least some sort of hope that things will get better."

Naturally, they didn't. several weeks later, after borrowing money from our families (even my little sister, which was humbling) and hundreds of anxiety-filled, sleepless nights and tearful prayers of lament, we drove down to this small town in south-central Texas for a job interview. more prayers, and we decided to accept. that led to borrowing more money, being apart for two weeks, a host of other bizarre and unexpected problems, and our eventual arrival here in brenham. i've since received three paychecks, and we have yet to be able to pay all our bills on time. i've sold a ton of stuff on ebay to make ends meet, and we continue to be amazed at the generosity of our friends and family.

and i think that has been the point. i have always been the one in my group of friends who always had it together - i always was able to lend money, to pick up the tab, to buy the first round of drinks. the one who people came to when they needed help, advice, a place to crash, or help working on their car. in the last six months, i have been placed entirely out of my element time and time again, left feeling completely incapable of "fixing" anything in my life - and nearly everything was broken (except my relationships with God and Gabriele, of course).

in two weeks, we will get our first "joint paycheck"...and that will go to pay for our wedding. but then, on august 1st...well, that paycheck will go to pay for our car tags (which are currently 8 months overdue...so we still have our paper tags on). THEN, on september 1st, we can start paying people back. except, i know that no matter how much money i make, i will never be able to pay these people back, because what i have received from them is so much more than money. there's no price for love.

i guess i said all that to say this: things will get better. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - though both of those days will undoubtedly have wonderful things within them - but things WILL get better.

in the meantime, i'd also suggest moving to a small town - the people are nicer, the pace of life slower, and when you feel like you don't have anything, you can just look out the window at the beautiful flowers and landscape and realize that in fact, you have much more than you could ever afford.