lottery jesus

my morning commute takes me past a billboard that displays the estimated powerball jackpot for the upcoming drawing. the sign is in a prime viewing location; it sits on top of a slight topographical rise just off the highway, and there aren’t any buildings around the billboard to distract from the view. i’ve often wondered how much the oklahoma lottery commission has to pay for such a premium advertising spot. it’s probably worth it when compared to the amount of revenue generated by the billboard. it’s a very noticeable billboard.

most days i take note of the sign and the jackpot amount. today it was $57 million, which is $7 million more than wednesday, so it appears that no one won the jackpot this week. every time i see the billboard i start to daydream about what it would be like to win. not just what i would do with the money, but what it would actually feel like to win. i imagine a warm feeling would come over my body, my breathing quicken, my hand holding the ticket would start to quiver, my cheeks would begin to burn from holding up the enormous smile on my face. it would be a glorious moment of revelation as i embraced the freedom that i assume such money would permit.

it's interesting to observe those who play the lottery. for instance, my dad only buys a ticket if the jackpot gets really big, like $150 million, as if the prospect of winning that amount somehow justifies spending a dollar for a ticket, whereas playing to win only $50 million would be a waste of money. on the other end of the spectrum, i once knew a woman who would call in to the local convience store to order her weekly lottery purchase, typically totalling around $250. many more people opt for consistently playing one or two dollars each week, rationalizing that if they buy a ticket for each drawing, then sooner or later they're bound to win, right?

i think that many people view prayer like they're playing the lottery. some only pray for really big things or when they feel like they "really need it." others may pray everyday, perhaps even because they have become habitual about "praying without ceasing," but their motivation isn't because they truly believe that their prayers will be answered; they may just believe that if the pray enough, eventually one of those prayers will be heard and be answered.

despite my agnostic leanings, every now and then i whisper a few words up to God/gods/universe/Flying Spaghetti Monster/whatever. it usually feels like i'm just throwing a hail mary (pun intended) and hoping that it gets answered. sometimes i wonder what else i should do to boost my prayer to the top of god's list - as if i could do some kind of rain dance and make god hear me. i'm afraid of being one of those people who is completely convinced that god will hear their prayers and heal their sick child, only to have the child die. there are millions of devout and holy people out there who have prayed incessantly for years without receiving the answer they were looking for.

the problem is obvious, of course: we're all looking for a particular answer from god. we want to have god wrapped around our little finger, like we're alladin and he's our genie. we want to be able to pray a certain way and have god "give in" to our big puppy dog eyes and pouty lip and give us all the desires of our heart.