no more myspace

well, today i deleted my myspace account. i realized i better blog about this because, well, i can't quit being online completely. also, the benefit of just blogging over myspace as a whole is that everything i post on here is public domain - there is no significant aspect of my online persona on this blog that is hidden from those who read it (i.e. no personal messages being sent or received).

What I am trying to say is basically my explanation for deleting my myspace. I have come to believe that the internet and its numerous online communities (such as myspace, facebook, friendster, chat rooms, and other social networking sites) create a seemingly limitless number of opportunities for us to compartmentalize our lives. We can create ourselves new each time, even multiple times within the same community, thus embodying whatever version of ourselves we wish to be in order to interact with whomever we like.

i'm not saying that compartmentalization is entirely bad, and certainly for some people it's different than for others. for me, right now, i'm looking for wholeness; for a greater sense of unification within my self. and really, for a greater richness of relationship with everyone in my life. transparency. honesty. openness. love.

marriage manifesto

In a word, reciprocal. I want a marriage that is an equal yoking of two individuals, each who give 100% effort and contribution to the relationship. I want to be able to talk to the other person on the same level about things that are important to each of us. I want to use language that is fluid and fluent to each of us, that we can both say exactly what we feel and mean and can convey that to the other person with minimal distortion. I want a relationship built on the cornerstone of empathy, on giving the other person the benefit of the doubt before passing judgment on their motives or their action. Where both people strive to understand the other person and not simply press to be understood. I want to listen to my spouse's concerns and hopes and dreams - and for her to listen to mine as well. To really hear what I'm saying, picking up on and understanding the underlying emotions that fuel my fire in life. I want equality in purpose and drive. I want to not feel like we are competing for justice or love or time. I want openness and honesty and trust from both sides, so that each person feels completely, 100% able to say what they feel about a situation - to express their deepest fears w/o ridicule, to be transparent and vulnerable without fearing the other person will fail to acknowledge (or worse, trample upon) their heart. I want passion in the relationship, in making daily efforts to understand the other person and what goes in to making them who they are. A passionate, deep-seated current of love that runs through the relationship, saturating it at every level. A passion that joins both people together at the heart, filling them each so that they feel they cannot contain the emotion in their own body, and that it flows out through the way they interact with one another - and with the world. That the fierce love and appreciation of one another as individuals and as members of humanity so impacts them that they cannot help but respond to one another - and to the world - with reciprocal love. I want a love that is truly the opposite and total abdication of power and control. A love where neither person feels the need to have control in the relationship, that there's no need to hold back. A love that is not perceived to be constantly at stake, a love that does not have to be earned through actions. A love that permeates and persists despite the ups and downs we each have internally. A love that exists in the relationship because it exists in each individual. I want freedom - not freedom from the relationship, but freedom within the relationship. Freedom for both people to express who they are without judgment, freedom to embrace time apart with the same fervor as time together, for it is in the presence of each that the other has value. I want to feel cherished, to feel that I have value as an individual, as a person, as a member of the community of humanity. I want to feel like my desires and dreams in life, however far-flung or ludicrous or ill-formed at the moment, are valuable and worthwhile. I want to laugh and have fun in life with my spouse, to easily see and dwell on how funny life is, even in the tiniest of moments. I want to laugh at the differences between people - not simply at humorous things, but a sort of heh-oh-wow-look-at-that-how-interesting-I-can't-help-but-be-wonderfully-amazed-at-the-world-and-it-makes-me-so-happy kind of laugh, where my face smiles at the subtle differences because my heart is smiling on the inside. I want a marriage where both people strive everyday to be happy and to make the other person happy. I want a marriage where both people find fuel and vigor for life everywhere, where pain and suffering and happiness and joy and angst and confusion are all ingredients that we need to survive, and each are tasty in their own way. I want a marriage where both people strive to reduce chaos in the world. Where our shared values for what is good and right in the world directly translates to what is good and right for us at home. Where messes and annoyances are understood to be part of life, but are viewed as temporary things that each person seeks to remedy as soon as they are able; not where messes and annoyances are just tangible manifestations of the emotional condition of both people. I want peace, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I want a marriage where neither person cares about being right, where right and wrong don't really even matter, but where it is the discussion of everything that is the enjoyment. Where both people are able to look at every side of something and find truth there. Where "your way" and "my way" are truly, truly able to melt together and become "our way." A marriage where everything is reciprocal, that each gives all they can without fear or guilt or shame, and where even if they do feel those things, that its safe to talk about it, without judgment or criticism. Where excuses and defenses aren't needed, and thus aren't used. Reciprocity. Partners. Benefit of the doubt. Love. Freedom. Abdication of power. No control. Love. Laughter. Fun. Dreams. Concerns. Peace. Life.

arm tattoo version 3

my right arm started with just the Texas, which, admittedly, wasn't the best tattoo i've ever seen. though i did get it done here in oklahoma on the day the tattoo law was passed (it wasn't yet in effect then, of course). so, several months later i had it re-done, as well as added the outlines of numerous stars. last week, those stars were colored in, so now it looks like this:


much more to be added to it in the future. hopefully by summer. until then...

uncle andy

Val had her kiddo on Feb 21st, named her Layla Lee Boucher. 8lbs 6oz. And yes, I have pics:

Birthday:


Since then:




Cute little thing, isn't she?

adios bushy

launched a new cafe press store today: Adios Bushy. Buy something!

merry scooter christmas

From OKCCSC Xmas p...

pics from the okc curiosity scooter club x-mas party are here.

wait...no, nevermind

i just spent the last hour or so reading over all of my past posts, dating back to July 2005. i've never been big on journaling, and this blog has definitely been the longest running diary-type device that i have ever completed. realizing that, i decided that i could not, in good conscious, cease to post to this blog. i may post identical entries to both myspace and here henceforth, but i cannot abandon this. not yet.

blog on!

this is the end. my only friend, the end.

my browser is set to use this blog as its default home page, which means i see the same post every day, and everyday i see that i haven't posted a new entry in a very long time. almost two months now, actually.

even more sad is that i have posted a new entry to my myspace blog in that time period. (okay, so it was just this week, but still). and so, i think i'm going to have to bite the bullet and own up to the fact that active blogging is a thing of the past for me, and since i don't do it as much, i am going to just let this blog die. as much as i like blogger's format and ease of use, i realize that my peak blogging behavior (as well as that of many of my formerly frequent-blogging friends) has waned considerably. this is primarily due to the rise in popularity of myspace, i'm sure. and, as much as i hate to admit it, despite it's ugly, ad-ridden interface, frequent downtime, and infestation by ridiculously annoying bands, adolescents, fake profiles, spammers, phishers, pornographers, and friends, i am a myspace addict, and i must feed my addiction. and to be honest, i like having everything in one place.

so, thanks for the laughs, the cries, and the conversations, blogger. i won't even delete you...i'll let you live on in legacy, until google says you've been inactive for too long and casts you into the darkened void of electromagnetic oblivion.

adios.

mas fotos

Here's the link to all the pics from the Pandora Strikes Back rally that have been posted on scoot.net:

http://scoot.net/gallery/2006/09/pandora/alltinyindex.html

Good stuff.

ukulele

the other day i was referred to the following video:


then today, i found the midnight ukulele disco. contains some pretty interesting covers, and several very funny/odd songs, such as angels gave me roofies, transgender bender, and who's got the crack.

moore's honor

to celebrate my sister, i am including four fantastically gross pictures from an episode several years ago. while sitting in a graduate school class, i received a text message that said "bambi won't sleep well tonight!" upon arriving home to my apartment, i parked next to val's chrysler sebring, and then saw this:she had loaned her car to a friend, and he was involved in a multi-car collision with a deer (he was the 4th vehicle to hit the animal). car was totalled, and val let it sit in front of the girls' dorm for several days while she waited on the word from state farm.

so here's to you, val: to all the black eyes, car accidents, and living with sloppy roommates; to conquistador andy, hallway rivalries, and throwing tonka trucks; to jerky boyfriends, kaybee toys, el chico, and chili's; to old lady perms, bee stings, legos and barbie; to being a moore and not liking chores; to liking to party and eating real hearty. may the best be yet to come. you are...conquistador valerie!

gonzo

despite my best efforts to always back up my computer data, i lost everything last night. i'll spare you the details here, but rest assured that the always prepared andy was out maneuvered by a box of wires and metal. the bastard. it's all gone - pictures, mp3s, banking information, bookmarks, quickbooks data, clinic- and school-related files - everything. gone.

i feel like my dog just died.

so, after hours of re-installations and updates, i think that i am officially back to the beginning. perhaps this event will help my wife see the need for that second hard drive on the RAID controller...

do you realize??

Finally, here are the pics from the Flaming Lips show. A couple of comments to begin: (1) No, I didn't take these personally. More on that later. (2) Though I didn't take them, I apologize on behalf of the person who did for their semi-poor quality. (3) I don't know whose hand is in several of the photos. I think it was the short girls in front of us. Consider this public flogging for their henious act of overt photo terrorism. Now, more pics!

Steven Drozd (below), guitarist, keyboardist, and very generous soul who made it possible for us to have the VIP passes. Gracias, my friend.

(below)View from our position looking back into the crowd. Does not do justice to the number of people who turned out for the show. I do like the woman in the habit, though, especially because she appears to be nine feet tall.

(below) An innumerable amount of confetti and balloons were released during the show, shooting several hundred feet back into the crowd. At times, it felt like it was raining happiness.

(below, both) Wayne hypnotizing/communing with the crowd. Frickin' girls and their hands.
(below) Girls on left side of stage dressed as aliens. Opposite them were people dressed as Santa Claus. All were from the crowd; they just happened to be lucky enough to get pulled onstage. All around, it was an amazing show. The degree to which Wayne was able to involve the crowd - physically, mentally, emotionally - added an extra umph that continues to make Flaming Lips concerts not just a musical performance but a participatory event for all who attend. One of the most powerful moments during the show occured when Wayne said that one of the best things about a Flaming Lips concert (and indicative of their fans) is that no matter how crazy or insane a crowd may be at one of their concerts, you never have to worry about something dangerous or harmful happening.

synæsthesia

recently i have had several discussions with my lpc supervisor, stacey, concerning our experiences as synesthetes, that is, having the condition of synesthesia. a brief explanatory comment:

neuroscientists have verified that synesthesia is a specific condition, which occurs when an individual who receives a stimulus in one sense modality simultaneously experiences a sensation in another, e.g. hearing sound in color. (see the wikipedia link above for specific descriptions of the various types of synestheisa)


our first conversation about synesthesia was rather eye-opening (pun intended). since that time, my investigations into the phenomenon have yielded an increasing amount of self-affirming information, helping me to gain a greater understanding of how i have always related to the world.

while many synesthetes report experiences during childhood where they made comments such as "play the purple music," i fear that my desire to conform to what i believed to be the right & proper way of viewing life instead caused a suffocation of expression and creativitiy. obviously certain aspects of my synesthesia have been quite useful, such as how i view the calendar (as a whole year and as it breaks down into months, weeks, days, etc.). to say to someone "this weekend is a couple of tall towers" would likely result in a reprimand of some sort; however, viewing upcoming days in terms of color and size is quite helpful if you are making plans. perhaps that has contributed to my rejection of a daily organizer for the majority of my life.

i am excited at this [seemingly] new lease on life. as my superego allows my id's color to flow into my ego, my perspective on many aspects of life is changed. emotional content that was once reigned in by monochromatic conformation powerfully bursts forward. i feel as if i am living the life of pleasantville.

partially unrelated, this is a red-letter weekend. tonight (thursday) i will be seeing jason boland's acoustic show at the wormy dog saloon, followed by tomorrow's "margarita friday" celebration and the flaming lips (see below). naturally, reviews and pics to follow.

Toe - Day 1: Well, we won.

My indoor soccer team, The Ticks, won our fourth game of the season last night. With a 9-2 victory over first-place rivals Code Blue, we launched ourselves into a commanding first place position going into the second half of the season.

However, about halfway thru the first half, I attempted to "clear" a ball out of our end of the field, and in doing so drove my foot into the heel of an opposing player. While he did have to take a seat for a little while, it looks like I may have received the worse end of the deal:

I feel I should note that I decided the injury was not life threatening, and being that we only had 2 subs, I played most of the second half, albeit at a slightly slower pace than usual. And yes, I did score a goal with the afflicted foot, but boy did it hurt.

The colors continue to worsen as time passes, so I'll try to post some daily pics over the next few days in case it gets real pretty.

For another nicely-colored past injury, see here. I kicked myself.

100 mpg

New toy is taking up space in Mantown:

wikiality

Fantastic Colbert clip.


And to save you time, a link to African elephants and Idaho.

And since I was on Wikipedia anyway, today (August 1) is the day the following musicans were born:

Jerry Garcia
Chuck D
Joe Elliott
Coolio

a zaireeka reflective

sunday afternoon, about tea time, i had the esteem privelege of joining fellow bloggers joe, amanda, jenn, cody, ryan, jon, and a few others for a listening part for the flaming lips album zaireeka. sadly, wayne coyne was not present, as he had to leave the state for a prior engagement.

i'll get it out of the way and explain that "zaireeka" is a combination of the words "zaire" (yes, the african nation) and "eureka" (not the springs in arkansas). "zaire" represents chaos in life (and, i suppose, in music), and "eureka" represents that serindipitous moment where something occurs to us (again, both in life and music). and truly the album had a certain zaireekan quality to it, a sort of chaotic jumble of sounds that gave life to auditory epiphanies from time to time.

my most striking acknowledgement is that the listening experience was distinctly different for each person in the room. while jon & i manned disc number 2, joe was enveloped by disc 1, ryan and jeff huddled closest to disc 3, and amanda was near disc 4 (though cody handled it's play/pause duties). jenn split the distance between 1 and 2, though she probably had a better angle on 3 and 4 as they were both pointed at her. likewise, cody had good angles on 1, 2, and 4, with the wine rack blocking much of 3.

and i think the varieties of listening experience is the essence of what wayne was seeking to create in recording the album. in the liner notes, wayne notes that not all CD players play at the same speed, which inherantly provides some degree of mismatch between the sounds of the discs (we witnessed this as well). Perhaps this is most appropriately conveyed by quoting said liner notes:

"From what I can tell, CD players will not play in synch with each other. They get close, depending on the quality of the players, but for the most part it can be pretty random. It was this part that excited me, the fact that they played close enough together that you could tell what was going on, but also played unpredictably in front of or behind the other making it confusing. Sometimes one would start behind and catch up to the other, other times the opposite. What I like best about it was how different and out of whack and otherwise simple song could get...and with that in mid I started to think with an "expanded" view of what music and songs could be... I would try to present music that was both clear and confusing, where rhythms fought each other, where time signatures were simple yet unpredictable... music that would be unfamiliar even after a thousand listens. Music that, according to the normal ideas of what music is, doesn't work... instead of listening to a song and passively being either entertained or bored the listener would be engaged and agitated.. soothed but suspect.. in a state of suspended anticipation.. The listener could hear an exaggerated dimension of sound where sometimes reverb comes before a sound occurs, other times it's delayed.. Where a melody that's pleasant and uplifting, upon being shifted slightly, becomes dissonant and interruptive.. Where crescendos miss their cues either late or early or both... making music that purposely destroys its own momentum... and instead of hearing these things and thinking of them as being wrong or annoying... I heard the possibilities of a bizarre new format."

blog version ?.0

I have an insatiable habit of choosing new blog layout themes every few months. Forgive the lack of consistency, but like my underwear, this thing's gotta be changed sometime.

All undergarments aside, in case you didn't see Zidane's headbutt from the World Cup finals, here it is:

thrINK

Went under the needle again yesterday. Props to Boogy for the work.